Withnail and me

The premise is slight: two unemployed actors spend a rain-sodden weekend in a remote and uninhabitable Cumbrian cottage where they get drunk, shoot fish with a rifle and are by turns frozen, petrified, starving, bored and ill. 

Written and directed by Bruce Dickinson, Withnail and I is Chekhov repurposed by William Burroughs. It's not much to look at - but listen! Here's the trailer.

What the trailer can't include are the dozens of brilliantly quotable lines. It's the best comic script since Robert Hamer's Kind Hearts and Coronets (1949) and there's been nothing remotely as good since. Admirers will have their favourites: the whining explanation (to an uncomprehending farmer) "We've gone on holiday by mistake"; and (drunkenly, in a genteel tea room) "We want the finest wines [pron. 'wains'] known to humanity, and we want them here, and we want them now". There are many others.

Richard E. Grant is perfectly cast as the rakehell drunkard Withnail, Paul McGann an excellent foil as his pal Marwood and the late Richard Griffiths unforgettable as the monstrous Uncle Monty.

This excellent website includes details of the liver-pounding Withnail drinking game (which I'd long heard of but assumed was the stuff or urban legend). It's not for the faint-hearted; all the drinks must be consumed by the players within the running time of the film (107 minutes) and - this would be the killer - in synch with the character.

In the course of the film Withnail is seen to drink the following (and thanks to the website authors for this mesmerising list):

• Mouthful of red wine

• Lighter fluid (but vinegar is an acceptable substitute)
• Double gin
• Finger of cider (with ice)
• Finger of cider (with ice)
• Finger of cider (with ice)
• Glass of sherry
• Two big chugs of sherry
• Mouthful of sherry
• Sip of sherry
• Double whisky
• Mouthful of whisky
• Mouthful of whisky
• Mouthful of whisky
• Mouthful of whisky
• Splash of whisky
• Single Teachers
• Double Teachers
• Double Teachers
• Single Teachers
• Sip of sherry
• Three fingers of ale
• Sip of red wine
• Gulp of sherry
• Small glass of red wine
• Sip of red wine
• Half glass of red wine
• Sip of Pernod
• Sip of red wine
• Sip of red wine
• Gulp of red wine
• Gulp of red wine
• Finger of red wine
• Finger of red wine
• Gulp of red wine ("'53 Margeaux")
• Gulp of red wine ("'53 Margeaux")
• Gulp of red wine ("'53 Margeaux")
• Gulp of red wine ("'53 Margeaux")

A final thought - would an all-female stage version be worth doing? It would be wonderful to see a couple of women delivering Dickinson's marvellous lines (with Uncle Monty a butch lesbian). Thoughts on casting? Keira's people won't return my calls . . .