Malady Nelson's 'oh dear!' by Amy McCauley

This new work by Amy McCauley was performed on Saturday night at A Leap in the Dark, with the poet in persona as Malady Nelson, throwing shapes to a remote electronic beat. Here are the words she spoke, with Amy's kind permission. None of us who weer in. the audience will forget her intense, unsettling delivery which spoke so directly to the way we live now. It's been running through my head ever since.

Malady Nelson’s ‘oh dear!’


i feel so connected to money 

it’s everywhere it’s nowhere 
i feel so connected to money

i know i’m not special
           you know i’m not special
i know you’re not special
           you know you’re not special
no one’s been special since holodomor 
no one’s been special since belsen
no one’s been special since chernobyl

you are only as incapable as your last intrusive thought 
          i am only as capable as my last intrusive thought
you are only as incapable as my last intrusive thought
          i am only as capable as your last intrusive thought

[cough]

oh dear! says mum mum 

[cough]

oh dear!

[cough]

oh dear! says mum mum 

[cough]

oh dear!poor mum mum!

i feel so connected to deathdeath’s nowhere death’s everywhere 
congratulations on your destruction

you know you’re not special
          i know you’re not special
you know i’m not special
          i know i’m not special

no one’s been special since hiroshima 
no one’s been special since kosovo 
no one’s been special since rwanda

i am only as incapable as my last intrusive thought
          you are only as capable as my last intrusive thought
i am only as incapable as your last intrusive thought
          you are only as capable as your last intrusive thought

[cough]

oh dear! says mum mum 

[cough]

oh dear! says mum mum 

[cough]

oh dear! says mum mum 

poor mum mum!

i feel so connected to godgod’s everywhere god’s nowhere 
i feel so connected to god

you are growing inside me like itō hiromi
this is you inside me you are inside me
you are growing inside me like gwendolyn brooks 
this is you inside me you are inside me

you are growing inside me like hélène cixous 
this is you inside me you are inside me
you are growing inside me like amy mccauley 
this is you inside me you are inside me

[whistle]

you are inside me like bum bum baby 
you are flowing like river itōyou are inside me like squishy pus pus 
you are flowing like river brooks

you are inside me like hélène cixous 
you are flowing like river cixous
you are inside me like squishy furnace 
you are flowing like river mccauley

i feel so connected to collateralcollateral’s nowhere collateral’s everywhere 
i feel so connected to collateral 
congratulations on your destruction

baby makes aesthetic choices
          baby does not make aesthetic choices
squishy does not make aesthetic choices 
          squishy does make aesthetic choices

hélène cixous makes aesthetic choices
          hélène cixous does not make aesthetic choices
furnace does not make aesthetic choices 
          furnace makes aesthetic choices

i feel so connected to the internetthe internet’s everywhere the internet’s nowhere 
congratulations on your destruction


Amy McCauley (April 2020)