Prufrock self-assessment checklist

Have you ever wondered exactly how much like J. Alfred Prufrock you really are? Have you? Of course you have - we all have. Now you can precisely calculate your Prufrockian tendencies the easy way by completing this just-for-fun questionnaire:

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For question1 score 2 points for each affirmative response, no points for negatives (max 12 points):

1. Do you:
   - dare to eat a peach?                    
   - dare disturb the universe?            
   - part your hair behind?                
   - grow old?                        
   - roll your trousers?                                
   - walk along the beach?                

2.  More about your hair:

   (i)    Do you have a bald spot?                  Yes (2 points)
   (ii)   Is your hair growing thin?                 Yes (2 points)
   (iii)  Do others note (ii) and mention it ?   Yes (1 point)

3.  Clothing.

    (i)  Does your collar mount firmly to your chin?  Yes (1 point)
    (ii) Is your necktie (a) rich (b) modest (c) asserted by simple pin?  (1 point each)

4. Time management (1). Will you find the time to:

    (a)  prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet?  (2 points)
    (b)  murder (2 points)
    (c)  create? (1 point)

5. Time management (2). How many indecisions and visions and revisions will there be time for, in your case?

     a) a hundred of each (i.e. 300 min. cum. tot.)  (2 points)
     b) hard to say (No points)

    6. Have you known (a) evenings  (b) mornings  (c) afternoons or (d) all of these?

          (2 points for each - with a bonus point if you answer (d) - maximum 7 points.)

    7. "I have measured out my life with coffee spoons."   True (10 points).  False (No points).

8. Have you ever gone at dusk through narrow streets and watched the smoke that rises from the pipes
of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows?

Yes, often (5 points).   No, never  (No points).  Don't know (10 points).

9. Do you have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?

   Yes (5 points).
   No  (1 point).
   Perhaps, after tea and cake and ices (10 points).

10.  Are you Prince Hamlet?
       Yes (1 point).
       No  (5 points).

11.  Have you ever felt the urge to swell a progress? Yes (10 points). No (5 points).

12. Have you heard  the mermaids singing? Yes (10 points). 
      Bonus question: Do you think that they will sing to you? No (5 points), Yes (No points).


Your score:

75 - 100 Congratulations - you have heard the footman snicker!
50 - 74   Your equivocal nature should soon develop into a commitment to Prufrock standards.
25 - 49   Still a long way to go. Look forward to the gifts reserved for age.
  0 - 24   You are a young person still, or quite possibly dead.


Extracts © Faber and Faber / The Estate of T S Eliot